Why put the oxygen mask on yourself first in an emergency?
Posted on | April 29, 2011 | No Comments
It may sound a stupid question but for the first few times I flew, I wasn’t sure why! That feels a bit daft now, but actually if you translate that most basic need to be able to function in an emergency for the benefit all into how well you look after yourself on a day to day basis, then maybe it isn’t so silly.
As you grow up and are influenced by the things that happen in your childhood, adolescence, relationships etc, the exposure that you have to both positive and negative events then becomes your conditioning, until you become aware of it and make a choice to change it.
Putting yourself first is a classic conditioning of many families that is seen to be a selfish and an unwanted way to be. But consider the emergency in the aeroplane. What good can you be to anyone if you are gasping for oxygen and about to pass out through lack of it? Similarly, how much better can you be when you pay attention to your needs? Your physical, emotional and spiritual needs from day to day, allowing you to perform better and better, not just for yourself but for all those who depend on you in all areas of your life.
Energy always flows to where you place your attention and by taking steps to actively and positively do things that will keep you fitter, healthier and more connected spiritually results in you being of far better service to everyone and everything in your life.
How could it be said that to pay attention to being the best you can be is a selfish act? And this is especially true for the mums out there who habitually put themselves at the bottom of the pile time and time again.
When you take time out of your working week that is dedicated to you, your relaxation, and your spiritual growth you will find that the freedom and energy created around those actions allow you to be more giving, more balanced, more focused and more energetic in all areas.
So, take some time right now to consider what small but significant things you will build into your day, your week and your month that will lift your spirits, feed your soul and make your heart sing.
How hard are you working your awareness muscle?
Posted on | April 1, 2011 | No Comments
When you know that you are now ready and willing to grow, evolve and transform – and you know that unless and until you do this that you will not hold your vision in your hands and have it in your reality – then this is the first step to working and growing your awareness muscle.
Working your awareness muscle is all about noticing your responses, your thoughts, your emotions and your beliefs. What is it that might be blocking you from achieving all that you know in your conscious mind that you deserve? If you are ready for it, it will become a spiritual journey as you step into taking full responsibility for what you create and how you do that. And – how you can change what you create from having what you don’t want to revelling in the fun and excitement of creating and receiving exactly what you do want.
Like any muscle, the more you use it the better it performs and the stronger it will grow.
Becoming aware is a process of suspending judgment of yourself and learning to witness with curiosity your emotions, responses and results.
Notice how much time you spend judging yourself, your results, or your lack of results. Become aware of where you are, and where you aren’t. But suspend that judgment of yourself, suspend the criticism and the negative self-talk that undermines your progress and your disposition – and learn to notice what is going on as an objective witness. You are where you are NOW for a reason.
If you are not receiving in your reality what you want, then there are reasons why you are creating the reality that you have right now and do not want. Past negative emotions, and limiting decisions and beliefs will be playing a significant and restricting part on your path forwards. These lie at the level of the unconscious mind. You cannot process and remove what you are not consciously aware of – which is why you don’t know what they are – because you are not aware of them consciously!
Everything IS for a reason – if it isn’t what you wanted then ask yourself why not – with curiosity and with honesty. What is going on for you that is stopping you creating what you want, what you know you deserve. If you want it and can conceive the vision – then it is there for you to take and create.
Becoming aware that you are the creator of the reasons why you do not currently have all that you want is the first exercise for your working awareness muscle.
If this article has brought up any issues for you and you would like to find out how Coaching Inside Out can help you, email support@coachinginsideout.co.uk
Mirrors, mindset and minefields
Posted on | March 2, 2011 | No Comments
Many of my clients are entrepreneurial women, and business owners who have a vision. However, I am also passionate about helping and transforming the lives of those people who have a project, passion or a dream and they are beginning to lose faith (and sometimes the will to live) as they are told by well-meaning family and friends that what they want for themselves, and others, is impossible to achieve. And I am grateful to be in this privileged position to do this.
Please don’t allow this to be you!
You first become aware of something that is driving you, a passion to serve others in some way, a desire to achieve and deliver – and when, in your excitement, you start to share this vision with those around you, so often, out of protection for you because they do not have and cannot conceive this vision, your well meaning friends and family discourage you.
And all too often they are successful in their discouragement because it is hard work to swim against the tide and feel you may never reach the shore. Believe me, I know! This behaviour happens, though, because your well-meaning loved ones feel threatened on some level by your ambition and vision. However, when that ambition and desire is so strong in you, then you can and will step outside and away from those that would hold you back. Always believe there is a way.
These journeys and ambitions can be accomplished and achieved alone, but it is far more exciting, rewarding and stimulating to surround yourself with people who can reflect back to you the power of your own vision and achievements and then engage those that can help you to do that.
Having your mindset mirrored by friends and colleagues is a key ingredient to helping you move forwards to achieve your outcomes and vision. Learning to accept with understanding your loved ones just as they are, and where they are in their own evolution, yet knowing that you are destined for a different place, will allow you to move easily towards that place without guilt or a sense of disloyalty.
Realising that have discovered a different path to the one that has been familiar to you for many years can at first seem daunting, particularly when you recognise that those closest to you will remain on the old familiar route.
It can be a bit of a minefield as you take your first tentative steps out onto that barely defined scratch in the sand. Surround yourself with the right people and the road will become clearer and easier to follow.
Be bold, have courage and follow your vision with compassion for those who cannot see it and certainty that you will attain it.
What is missing about Being, Doing and Having?
Posted on | February 10, 2011 | 1 Comment
There is a huge and growing movement right now, and an awakening among business owners, personal growth gurus and all those who aspire to be something other than they are this minute, that you really can be, do and have precisely what you want. And I’m a fully signed up subscriber to that – you absolutely can, but sometimes you might need a bit of guidance.
The Law of Attraction is out there in the big, wide world for all to experience – and yet I believe most people are overlooking the most important ingredient.
It’s Giving.
What do you want to be, do, have and GIVE? What exactly is it that you give to the world?
If you’re a coach, a therapist or someone who serves others in any way at all, when you identify and become so sure of what it is that you give to others, then that is when you will put yourself in a position of standing in your own inner power and knowing that you are giving far more than you are asking from people. And the be, do and have will start to fall into place for you.
Understanding and getting so clear on the value that you provide others that you can cut it with a knife is what will begin to create the belief inside you, from which place you can bounce yourself from that springboard into a place of confidence with delivering your purpose.
If you’re experiencing clients finding reasons not to work with you, money not showing up, hassle and down right hard work then until you spend time identifying your own specific value, your lack of certainty will be sensed and transmitted – it gets noticed because people ‘buy’ genuine certainty.
This is exactly how I experienced the big shift in my business, between having no clients to finding myself having conversations and meeting people who knew that we were a fit together and they wanted to hire me as their coach. I discovered the value I gave and the value I brought to people which became pure joy inside me as I woke up to the fact that I was now living my purpose.
Abundance is a word that is widely heard and used alongside being, doing and having. Don’t we all want and aspire to a life of abundance? But abundance doesn’t come to you it starts out by coming from you.
Good things begin to happen to you as you start to align yourself inside with what you want to happen from the outside.
Michael Bernard Beckwith has a beautiful phrase which one of mentors shared with me:
“Create the condition inside yourself to receive what has already been given.”
If you can perceive and imagine whatever it is that you want, then it is within your capability of having it. If you don’t already have it then in order to receive it, you must start to do things differently.
Here are some simple steps to help get you started:
- Start by shifting to a position of what you can give to others. How do you enhance their lives?
- Remove the judgement from your life – look at everything that happens on a day to day basis through eyes of curiosity
- Become grateful for every good, bad, weird and lovely thing that happens
- Give more than you take
Please leave your comments and thoughts below – I’m always interested to hear your ‘take’ on things.
If some of this feels a bit daunting, you can always contact us at support@coachinginsideout.co.uk and we can discover how we can be of help.
How is it that some people appear to have almost overnight success and others stay forever bumping along on the bottom?
Posted on | February 2, 2011 | Comments Off
Have you ever wondered in the small hours why this happens?
I know I did and it’s part of my reason for being fascinated about human performance and for running a business that is all about raising your performance levels to new heights.
It’s not just about hard graft and being lucky. In fact I would argue that it isn’t even about that. It’s about moving yourself into a position where ‘stuff’ happens. – and you find yourself in the right place at the right time more and more because you have created a better place inside yourself.
Are you someone who has been in business for some time and are still struggling to break through to the next level, and wondering what it takes to do that? Or perhaps you’ve recently set up your own business and, like I was when I first started up, are confounded about how it is that some people appear to have almost overnight success and others, in spite of all their efforts, really do stay forever bumping along on the bottom.
It’s all about raising your energy levels, your effectiveness and your connection to what it is that you wish to achieve. It’s true, that some people do seem to have that Midas touch without having to change a thing. The difference between those that easily do that is that they already have that higher vibration. For others, it’s a skill that is easily acquired.
It’s all about tapping into your own personal power. Taking responsibility for your successes and owning and learning from what could have gone better.
You get to that place by being willing to grow and evolve your self. This will also mean that your business can grow and evolve in line with you. I don’t think that you can easily grow your business past a certain point unless you are prepared to also grow and invest in yourself.
Here are 3 tips that will help you to bring yourself more into line with raising your own performance.
- Begin by recognising that whatever happens in your reality has happened for a reason – even the truly bad stuff – and start to pull out the positive learning from each and every experience. Get curious – why did that happen in this way, and what good came out of it?
- Leave behind the comparison nightmare – it’s a disease of the mind that will erode your faith in yourself. By all means have your role models and heights that you aspire to get to, but be kind to yourself. Don’t beat yourself up because you are not there yet. You are where you are right now and there really is no other time than now. The past has already happened and there is little you can do with that except take the learning from it. The future is all in front of you – and by being prepared to grow and evolve more and more yourself, you can then create the future that you want.
- Be prepared to become a student all over again. Read, absorb and become a sponge for information and ways in which you can easily grow. Consider how taking on mentor can be the key to opening up new ways of being, doing and having the things you do not currently have, because if you are serious about becoming successful and maintaining that, then you deserve outside, impartial help. Be helped to grow and evolve more and more easily and effortlessly.
Once you begin to ease these new ways into your daily life and maintain them, you will find that you reap dividends far beyond what you can achieve with work alone, and they will overflow in an abundance of peace, contentment and satisfaction that will touch everyone around you.
If you liked this article and you can see how this can easily expand you, your performance or your business and you would like more information about how we can help, please drop me an email so that we can have a conversation. We will endeavour to get back to you within 48 hours – support@coachinginsideout.co.uk
I’d love to know what response you allowed this article to create for you. Please leave your thoughts below.
It’s time to become intolerant if you are serious about making a positive and growing impact on yourself and others this year
Posted on | January 18, 2011 | No Comments
What is she talking about, I can hear you think? Intolerance is normally something that you would strive to eradicate from your life, and I expect you take pride in the progress you have made in becoming more tolerant towards others and less judgmental. And I applaud you for that.
But I am not talking about that kind of intolerance – the not tolerating of others. I am talking about noticing what in your life you are tolerating that is holding you back. What are you prepared to put up with, what do you put up with currently that is keeping you playing smaller than you really want, what level of service are you getting from people that leaves you feeling dissatisfied, but still you say nothing?
So, here’s the thing. If you are experiencing not the inward flow of money, clients or success that you are wanting, then your own tolerance levels are too high and you are accepting those outcomes and experiences as tolerable.
When your profits are low it is because your tolerance level is high. You are comfortable being uncomfortable. Your level of toleration needs to come down and the level of your profits will proportionally increase.
So take a moment from today every day to notice what is showing up in your life that you are tolerating that is not serving you in your own growth – and think about how you can change that. Here are a couple of tips:
- You could just decide right now to change it – that service, behaviour or circumstance is no longer tolerable for you. It could be that easy – just noticing. And you will find that the more noticing you do, the more you will notice where your areas of intolerance lie
- If it’s an income level that you are tolerating, you need to get really specific and clear about your outgoings and earnings on a monthly basis so that you know precisely how much you need to be earning to cover the outgoings, and THEN add to that amount a specific amount more than that to allow you to evolve and grow financially
When you do this, if you feel some sort of negative emotional response to changing it then you may have a limiting belief lurking in the depths, and most likely you will need some help in both identifying that and removing it.
Probably what is happening is that if you are not getting the results you are working for and planning for, then you will have a limiting belief running at a deep level in your unconscious. This is something you will not be aware of, that is why it lies in your unconscious! So, intellectually you may be saying that you are ready to receive the increased income that you have planned for this year, and you will engage more customers and clients than ever before, but if at some deeper level you have a gremlin belief that you are unaware of – then these changes cannot show up for you until this is dealt with.
Whatever your personal, income or business goals are for this coming year, step into the woman who has accomplished all of that right now and ask yourself if she would tolerate the same things that you are. Really spend some time becoming her.
Now you are in a position to work towards becoming intolerant of the circumstances, events and levels of income to the same extent that she is.
Post your comments below – particularly any resistance, discomfort or successes that you have.
Part III – Building your business through outsourcing and delegation
Posted on | December 17, 2010 | No Comments
How to ask and get the job done
Something I’ve learned is that when I realise I’m not comfortable paying for a particular service, it’s not necessarily because I don’t need that service and it probably won’t be the paying for it that is stopping me. It’s just that I haven’t found the right person to work with or that service delivered in the way that is best for me, yet.
And you will know very soon that the person you have brought into your life is right, because of the sense of relief that begins to infiltrate your days. Things begin to go more smoothly, changes happen effortlessly and you can feel the safe pair of hands beside you. And when the invoice comes at the end of the month you are more than happy to pay because of the benefits that come with having this person in your team.
Another quick tip – To keep things going smoothly forward is to be really clear on your monthly budget and be sure that you both know what work is going to be done for your outlay.
So how do you go about asking for the jobs to be done in a way that is warm, clear and carries command? Do you believe that you have to get all brusque and a little bit masculine about it all? We can sometimes make this tricky for ourselves, but it needn’t be that way. If you are uncomfortable asking people to do things for you, then it’s possible to turn to minor versions of pleading or begging and this is a very disempowering behaviour.
There are specific tonalities which will elicit specific responses in the person you are talking to. For instance, when you ask a question, generally your tone rises at the end of the sentence. It is an enquiry that encourages that person to think about their answer.
When you want to be commanding, however gentle and subtle it may be, then the command tonality is for your voice to go down at the end of the sentence. It is perfectly possible to ask a question using the command tonality and by doing this your question is accepted unconsciously by the person you are talking to as a command.
Try out this request with your voice lifting at the end of the sentence and then, using the command tonality, say it out loud again and allow your voice to go down at the end of the sentence:
“Can you have that done by Friday for me?”
When you have outsourced and engaged exactly the right person you will find that asking comes easily. You are paying someone to help you, someone who does their job better than you can do it, and who enjoys their job more than you would – so ask away. That is precisely why you have engaged them!
Remember, your team are professionals too, and the right partnership is worth its weight in gold to assist you in growing your business.
Part II – Building your business through outsourcing and delegation
Posted on | December 13, 2010 | No Comments
How to go about attracting the right team and delegate for best results
A few days ago I wrote about the importance of planning to outsource and making sure you do it well before your business is yelling at you to do it.
The analogy I’ll make is this. Years ago my very elderly and frail in-laws were looking to down-size into more suitable accommodation, somewhere where they could maintain their independence but have some assistance closer to hand. Unfortunately, it did not get thought about sufficiently far ahead, too much time was spent not making a decision, my father-in-law became very ill and sadly died in hospital before the move could be made.
Now that is a drastic example but the point I’m making is this. Anticipate your need to outsource well ahead so that your business has time to ‘settle in’ and you will avoid always playing catch up.
So, how to outsource and attract those people that will work with and beside you for many years? A gentle word of advice – Don’t go blundering in with the ‘You just can’t get the staff’ attitude! Believe me – all that will get you is a perfect example of exactly what you don’t want!
So, here are some tips.
- List all the areas that you ultimately would like to outsource.
- Decide which area of your business you most avoid paying attention to yourself
- What area really needs some TLC (tender loving care) that you don’t know how to give and you know someone else can do much better than you.
- If the thought of the cost of outsourcing early is giving you palpitations, then think of it like this. Work out your hourly rate (and if you are unsure about this then I’ll be doing another article about that shortly), and consider how much of your valuable time you are spending/wasting doing something somebody else is much better qualified and equipped to do – and you will be helping to grow their business too
- Having chosen the area of your business that most needs attention, sit down and write out specifically and with real attention to detail exactly what that person is going to be like
- What values do you place highly
- What’s a match for you and your personality/business
- What don’t you want – and then write down the opposite of that
For example, do you want someone who is responsive, efficient, light-hearted, what’s your budget etc. The clearer you are, the closer to that person you will attract.
It is vital to be so specific about who it is you want helping you and assisting you. You want those people to ‘get’ you and connect with what you are doing, how you are delivering that and where you are going in your business.
Always be open to receive. On a practical level referrals are great – you may meet someone at a networking meeting, or you may be already working with someone who has successfully outsourced some of their services. You may want to advertise. But be aware that it doesn’t necessarily follow that because one partnership works, the chemistry will be the same for the pair of you. Allow the universe to work on the how. Once you are really clear on who you want, the Universe will go into action on your behalf.
But you will attract the people that you are thinking of. Have faith that the person you want is out there, because if you are able to think and conceive of something or someone, then it is out there and you can manifest it.
Leave your comments below, or send me a Tweet. I’d love to know your experiences so far.
Part I – Building your business through outsourcing and delegation
Posted on | December 8, 2010 | No Comments
Wouldn’t you like to be in the enviable position of outsourcing those parts of your business to professionals who can really take the weight off your shoulders, and the pressure away from having to work out yet another aspect of your growing business – tasks that you could do, given the extra hour or two, but end up draining you? You know there is someone else out there just dying to handle that part of your business for you.
You are no doubt aware of the many successful business women for whom those days are long gone.
So how did it happen? But more to the point when did it happen for them? Which came first – the chicken or the egg – the burgeoning business or the help?
When should you delegate? When do you think is the best time to delegate and outsource? At what point in your business would you consider making this move?
I’ll tell you. It’s much sooner than most people ever realise they should. You cannot remain feeling safe and cosy and expect your business to grow. It is necessary at times to stand on the brink (it doesn’t always have to be a really long way down) and take some risks.
Of all the successful business mentors I follow and have worked with, all of them bar none began outsourcing before they really felt able to afford it. And so I did too – and although it was scary at the time, it was absolutely the right thing to do.
You need the help in your business to free up your time to do what you do best. Your time is not best spent struggling with an aspect of your business for which you have no aptitude or flare.
A word of warning – start one step at a time, one service at a time and you will really begin to feel and notice the difference in how your business responds. When you delegate and outsource the universe responds to your action.
Remember, your business is an entity in its own right – you are not your business and when you bring people into your business who add value and enhanced services, your business as an independent energy will respond.
Look out for Part II – How to go about attracting the right team and delegate for best results.
Leave your comments below, or send me a Tweet. I’d love to know your experiences so far.
PMT + PMA = Success
Posted on | November 19, 2010 | No Comments
Girls, if you think you know about PMT, then think again. We all know about the PMT – but I’m introducing my version, and why not go all out to make it more well known than the original.
PMT = Promote My Talent – because if you don’t start to do that, then no-one else is going to start doing it for you.
PMT combined with PMA (Positive Mental Attitude) – throw in some other ingredients like focus, dedication, perseverance, high energy and looking after yourself – yes, that’s looking after YOURSELF – and it will take you a long way down the road to the success you are looking for.
I caught a snippet of an interview with Neil Diamond the other day and he was talking about his passion to sing but hadn’t really thought about what performing those songs would mean for him. He realised that as a shy, introverted sort of guy, he had to become an extrovert. That was the change he was going to have to make within him to get up on that stage and really connect with his audience and allow his passion to touch others.
To promote yourself you’ve got to learn to shout about what you do. How deep, big and all consuming is your passion for what you do? Who are you here to serve? How are you going to get people to listen to you? And do you want this thing so much that you will almost die if you don’t get it? So what changes have you got to make within yourself to get a big, solid dose of PMT?
Because to be heard beyond the boundaries of where you are currently known, that is precisely what you have to do. Please don’t think that I’m an expert at this yet. I am still a work in progress learning new ways within myself to reach out and connect. My upbringing was a very long way off from being encouraged to promote my talent. Mind you, it was never undermined, but as a family we were VERY British about it – it was the taking part that matters, not the winning and it was all handled very discreetly! But over the last year I have had to really change the way I have habitually been so that I can connect and talk to you in a more and more powerful way. And, once I made the decision to, it’s been fun, inspiring, exciting and rewarding too.
So embrace PMT – it will be the making of you!
As always I’d love to know what your thoughts are. Leave your comments below, follow me on Twitter – @wilmallan.
keep looking »About
Hi, I'm Wilma - and a warm welcome to my blog. My aim with this blog is to entertain, educate and inspire you.
I have had an extraordinary life, and it's all still unfolding. I intend to share many stories, experiences and some wisdom that I have collected over the years in order that you may find your way to becoming all that you aspire to be, and more. If I can play some part in helping you achieve your business and life ambitions through this blog, or any other connection we may have, then I'll feel that I have fulfilled my task.